Harder than it looks
I’m horribly ashamed of my fanfiction past. Not the one you can probably find on AO3 if you scour my TikToks and put in the effort, but the long-dead FFN profile I abandoned with poorly worded excuses. Ignoring the terrible copy-past nonsense bio I wrote that screamed “I’m an ACTUAL child and easily influenced”, the stories just… sucked. Partially because I was writing on the family computer for a very limited time before I figured out my way around my mom’s parental controls, but also because I had no idea what I was doing. Forget drawing stick figures, I was throwing paint at the wall and watching it splatter.
Which is why my latest steps have been so grueling for me lately, I think. See, before I can get started on a lot of the sequels that need doing, like Liar, Liar, I need to do my least favorite part: actually editing. Which, being fair, I’m far better at now than when I was twelve writing terrible Wolverine fanfiction. I’ve even gotten kind of used to beta readers.
I’ve never worked with an actual editor though. It’s honestly kind of terrifying to think about. Yet, here I am, gearing up to finally hear back from my editor and get started on editing Wolves and Rain because, being honest, while I love all my children books equally, there’s something special about that one. It’s the first novel I ever finished that I thought I could actually publish. I’m excited to see where it goes, and terrified because… well, it’s my baby. You never want anyone saying anything bad about your baby.
Except, that’s a huge part of being a writer. I have to accept that, once Wolves and Rain is unleashed onto the masses, I have no control over it anymore. Writing is art, and art is subjective. People can love it. People can hate it. People can ask why I spend so much time writing something so niche. People can also be horribly cruel.
Thankfully, though, this is where I think my years in the fanfiction space do me more good than harm. See, I wasn’t entirely stupid when I made my account, and while I think anyone who looked at my writing too long could tell I wasn’t exactly a pro, I did go to lengths to hide that I was underage. Very underage. As in, I’m now looking at my childhood as a parent with horror because I just had complete unrestricted access to the internet, didn’t I? That means the people commenting on my stories… well, most of them were commenting assuming I was at least a teenager.
I got very used to seeing criticism taken almost too far sometimes. I highly doubt if they knew I wasn’t even in high school at the time, the phrasing would’ve been much different. I won’t say I’ve got a thick skin, but I’m going into these plans for publishing a little more prepaerd for what’s waiting on the otherside. I hope.
Either way, this week is going to be a whirlwind. Everything’s going on the back burner while I focus up on working with my editor and getting Wolves and Rain in tip-top shape. I can’t wait.